Not an easy DECISION

I don’t know what the affects of posting this are but it is something that I have thought about many, many times. Adoption isn’t easy. Let me explain, if I can even type these words with a blur of tears.  When we brought home Dawson we felt pretty somber. We could not explain what it was like to lay him down in our home for the first time and just look at him. We could not wrap ourselves around all that took place for us to be a family.

When we came home after placement, I was wrapped with emotion that I cannot put into words. When you come home with a baby, you can imagine the , excitement, worry, gratitude….. We felt all of those things bringing home our little baby but even more we felt heartache.

I want you to know that even though we brought home such an miracle, we didn’t forget how he came.

 We didn't know about Dawson until a few weeks after he had been born. 

We finished our adoption process many days following that special day. We were told about a girl who was young and looking to place. Her baby was due in May although we had not been officially approved through our adoption agency, we were asked to write a letter about us with pictures for her to see.

I was excited, yet we both felt like something was off. We were told to submit our papers on a Thursday so she could come in on Friday and look at a collection of couples to review over the weekend.  It was conference weekend and I kept feeling as though she was not going to pick us, I felt confused.

When we were asked to submit a letter and picture I felt really good about it, and so when I kept feeling conflicting feelings at the same time,I started to question God. 

I know, why question something so small?  Because I had felt like our baby was coming if not I even wondered if we had already missed our chance for the right baby?

During my doubt,  M* came in the same day the other girl was meant to come in and pick up our letter (who ended up picking another couple). Needless to say M* found us.

The feelings we have for her are sacred and above any of that which can be imagined.

We went home that day Dawson was placed (the picture below) feeling a feeling of sorrow and thankfulness all at the same time. Bringing home a baby does not mean that you forget about the journey of how they came to be. We talk about M*, about her family, Z*, his birth dad.

 Someday Dawson hopes to marry his birth mom, why? because, he loves her, SHE IS HIS FIRST LOVE. That tells you how much he loves her. Its really sweet, how much he looks up to her.

We are thankful for the opportunity to adopt, and would never want anyone to believe that as adoptive parents we forget about the miracle adoption truly is.