Three years ago today

Three years ago today was the last time I posted on our family blog. I started it so that a potential birth parent and their family could read about our family and get to know us better. I am more of a face to face type of person. I am not into "faking it til I make it" type of person, I am pretty sincere and so is my Dan. I am not a huge fan of writing about myself. Most posts are what we have done as a family, only.  But for today in a sort of word vomit type fashion and in a most random way I am going to catch everyone up on our happenings.  We bought a house. it flooded..... while we were out of town visiting family. We are just moving in almost three years later. I was asked recently if I was excited to have a beautiful kitchen..... I almost fell over because I still don't feel settled in it yet. OR settled in all the stretching that has taken place for our family of three. I taught a lesson on Job from the bible yesterday in church. We're NOTHING like JOB. NOTHING. I think its funny sometimes how the Lord teaches us, stretches us. I REALLY did not want to teach the lesson for the selfish reason of knowing that I would learn something that I didn't want to learn. Pride.

When we were making plans for our new kitchen two years ago, we made it for a big family. In January we were placed with two children that we had prayed years for. On April 3, 2014 they left our house. We met them in October of 2013. The fact that they even made it to our home in January was impossible but not with the Lord and He heard our prayer for more children. I grew up with four brothers, two are older and twins that are younger than I am. I also have two sisters. When I can't sleep at night because my mind is full, Dan knows to put on the show nineteen kids and counting because the commotions of that family soothe me to dream land faster than anything else. I love the noise and chaos of children and family. I LOVE IT LOVE IT! It soothes my nerves and I sleep the best those nights.

Dan and I went from having one child to three children and we did it as if we had always had them in our home. Our kitchen began being installed on April 1, 2014 and with out saying good bye I combed their hair for a visit and made sure they smelled sweet and sent them off to see their family. Long story short we didn't see them again. The kitchen was done and we were back to one child in a hurry. We were exhausted. Shocked. We questioned God. I REALLY QUESTIONED Him. All three of us slept a lot the next three months. We just slept. And cuddled. Prayed and cried. And wondered and I tormented myself with questions and doubt. That's never a good place to be. I taught the girls in my class from an object lesson Dan found online ( he teaches the same class, same age all boys and I have all girls in my class). The object lesson talked about how to reach higher we must bend our knees first and actually start out lower. We cant reach to our highest potential with straight legs we must bow down and start super low to get  to the highest of places. And I must add to get to all of the highest of places we must bend down to pray. After my lesson I ran into the Bishops wife . She said she wanted me to talk about prayer next Sunday in the women's class called Relief Society. Funny, but not really funny. In a funny not so funny sort of its time to get serious sort of funny timing. Its time to bend this week.

The kids will be adopted any day now to a different family. We didn't tell anyone for three weeks that we lost them. A lot of people do not understand it, but it doesn't matter. Whether you place a child or loose one via adoption that wasn't forever, PEOPLE ask and say some things that can be heart wrenching. Sometimes they just want to be helpful. OR say too much because they really do not know what to say. We found ourselves comforting more people with the children gone. Sometimes I think about the power a wordless hug has on someone. I found myself being irate at times when people only focused on the loss and not the gain that since Dawson was 16 months old I prayed for more children and the LORD HEARD OUR PRAYER. Because of the experience to have those sweet kids in our home a question I had on my mind for so many years was answered and I feel so grateful. I always wondered what it would be like to have more and we got that experience. To me i felt a peace so deep with in me that I felt God granted my prayer. I will never wonder what it would be like I know and it is sweet bliss. And it has help me grow in a way that I had not before. I am grateful. Someone once said to me... to have loss it means you must have a gain first. ( Paul Jenkins). Its true. And I would have rather have gained and had a loss. I will always remember the little girl and her sparkly shoes and the little boy with cake smashed on his face because there was a cake fight for Dawson birthday and it was the best.

I found myself mad at those that just focused on the loss, they couldn't wrap themselves around it. Neither could we but focusing on the loss and the questions was a much greater hit then the beauty of what happened. I am going to be bold and I am going to be brave and I am going to bend even though I do not know what will happen, it doesn't really even matter. What matters most is that I bend and I REACH as high as I can and know that the Lord has to catch me if I reach to him. He tries to reach me all of the time but I have bowed my head not looking up to him instead of bowing my knees.

Disney on Ice

We went to Disney on Ice and it was AwEsOmE to say the LEAST. We loved it!!! You should have seen all of the little girls in their dresses!  At first I was worried that it was an all girls event, but as soon as Mickey and Minnie and the clan came out on to the ice Dawson's eyes were glued after that! He doesn't like to admit it but he is such a little ROMANTIC!! 

A little romantic

Today Dawson and I played with dinosaurs. We had the dinosaurs battle each other. Once most of the dinosaurs died a horrible death by being eaten, there were two T- Rex dinosaurs left. I was ready for the next battle and all of the sudden Dawson, said... Hi whats your name, so I answered, speaking for my dinosaur. All of the sudden his dinosaur starts kissing my dinosaur on the lips. He said that my dinosaur was pregnant with an elephant and that the two T-Rex dinosaurs were going to have a baby!

WOW!

THE BEST ADOPTION POST EVER!

Even if you are not linked with adoption PLEASE read this.  This is the best explanation that I have ever read! Thanks Andee Leigh who wrote this! Here is the link to her site:

"Wish I had parented?"

The adoption walk is coming up!

Dawson's funny

This morning Dawson and Dan were talking about their muscles. I came in and asked Dawson if he would make me some breakfast  for me.

 He said, "I'm just a kid mom".

Dan said, "Dawson I will help you okay?"

Dawson said "okay Dad, I'm going to trust you" (to help me make breakfast).

He is so literal, yet he has this really funny sense of humor. Then we were then sitting on the table discussing what we are going to do today. Dan wrote down, kiss Dawson, so Dan started giving Dawson kisses and he's sitting here giggling. Now Dawson is dictating to Dan what to put on our to do list. He said, "put down clothes, laundry, watch Wipe Out, sleep, um let me think", then he mimics Winnie the Pooh and starts tapping his forehead, ""think, think, think," and then he spouts out "Let's Have Fun!"

An update: I just got my cereal poured by Dawson, it went everywhere  but he got so much into the bowl he was so proud of himself. We gave him a high five and he's feeling pretty good about himself!

Fun with Shaving cream

A few Sunday's ago Dawson ran upstairs to go potty before we left for church... it was taking a little while so we told him that it was time to leave, he ran downstairs and said, don't worry guys I'll clean it up! As Dan loaded Dawson in the car, we both glanced at each other, so I went upstairs to see what he got into. Our house is pretty child proof but there are always possibilities. So I went into the bathroom and he had emptied Dan's entire can of shaving cream while he was "using the facilities" he also covered the vacuum with shaving cream. Why is it that when you are a mother and your child does something like this you can't get mad at them?? Of course we had him clean it up!